just a recap of what has been happening to me these months: started my academic sem on the 31st of Oct and seriously, time-table is terrible... my lessons start at 8am everyday except tuesday... and of all weeks, school must start on 31 Oct when they have 2 public hols that week... but nvm, at least we get 2 days break on that week, better than nothing... haha... school has so far been alright for me, at least with my enthu classmates from 2f03 & 2f04!
how time flies, now is my 4th week of school & i've got 13 more weeks to go before i have sem break! wahhh... time always seem to fly so fast & today is already thursday! the weekend is drawing near... which means going for service & for duty! i really love serving, especially serving the LORD! as for my ministry, i am so glad that i've risen up even more... it was so amazing even as i recap, how i grew from a small fry in the ministry to a team helper, to a zone ic & now to a team leader with effect from after we move to expo... it's so great & amazing how much God has done in my life, & the most surprising thing is, i never grow tired even after serving so much! in fact i feel even more refreshed! PTL! beginning to love God's word even more...
that's roughly what happened in the area of my academic year & my ministry... not forgetting, getting to know more & more people as days go by... or maybe it's only my ministry-wise? ha… got to know more IC's & ushers... alright, academic year & ministry matters aside...
i've been pondering over quite alot of things... & i've realised that there are things which i've gained yet lost... one thing that i've gained is a buddy! yeah, & she is SERene... really glad to have known her & really amazed how God made us inseparable friends! got to know her for only a few months, yet our friendship has grown to great heights... God, it's so amazing! still kept the msg she sent me, it goes like this: i thank God for this friendship.. from how we as hi bye friends become friends who always poke fun at each other.. till how we slowly got to know each other beta and till now my buddy in usher whom i can share my probs with.. thanks for tolerating my craziness and nonsense... really treasured this msg & till now, it's still saved in my phone... through the events & incidents that happened between ser & myself, all i can say is that it's simply awesome... we've shed tears, we've shared happiness, we've laughed together, we've confided in each other, & we've had daily late night conversations... to me, i believe that God has planned all these so that our friendship became stronger... i'm just so thankful! ser, really thank God for this friendship & that we became best of buddies... i will treasure this friendship for as long as i live... anyone who wants to know extra details come & ask me yourselves bah... hahaha...
i'm thankful too that God has improved my relationship with my other ushers, members as well as my classmates... i've begun to see my ushers & members opening up to me regarding their personal lives & i've of course opened up to them as well... i remembered sis hope once told me, "reach a level whereby i see ushers opening up to me instead of them backsliding or leaving the ministry"... i still remember, when she told me this, it was the day when she handed the team over to me... sis hope is a person who impacted me alot... a person whom i truly look up to... even though she has stepped down, she will always remain as a person whom i truly respect & will forever remain as one... as for my classmates, we've become more talkative, in a way that's good! that's something i've always been hoping for, & God answered my prayer! thank you LORD!
i admit, there are good & bad things that can happen in one's life, cos life is never a bed of roses & there are ups & downs... though there are things which are worth being happy about, there are also things which have affected me one way or another... take for example the issue between px and i... i'm really very tired over my relationship with peixiong... we are not together & we were never together in the first place, we are plainly just friends & i know we can never go beyond that... reason is, he's afraid to commit himself towards bgr & from what i hear from grace, px is not considering relationships even in the near future... when i heard that, surprising thing is i'm not shocked or depressed cos i kinda expected it... but i still chose to cling on to it even when i know nothing will come out of it, we will still be friends but not more than that... i'm tired of the fact that it's a one-sided 'sacrifice' and when i don't expect anything in return... what happened yesterday was evident enough of where our relationship stand... i don't wish to elab on what happened... any interested listeners? you guys know what to do right? haha... anyway, the class still think that we are together but i didn't mention anything cos i'm so tired... thinking back on the past, i used to be so crazy over him until i failed to place God in first priority, this was when i first liked him nearly 2 years ago... i've let God down... sorry God... but as time passes, i realised that i can't continue this way as God should be my ultimate priority! that's why i chose to lift this issue up to God... hmmm... maybe px isn't the right guy that God has planned for me? i've never really questioned God cos i know He will plan & give me my future partner when the time is right, & only God Himself knows when it will be... i've wasted nearly 2 years of my life on px & i feel that it's really time for me to move on... michelle, no use waiting... he will never be yours, at least for now... to think that i ever said i wanted to wait for him till he finishes his NS... i was foolish... maybe he will never consider me at all... how long do i have to wait till he gives his reply? 5 years? 10 years? i'm definitely not going to wait... i would rather focus & concentrate on my studies, ministry, etc... there are times that i cry over this issue... firstly was because i know i can't seem to face this issue, but now, the reason why sometimes i cry over this is because even as i think back, there are times when i've been hurt by him... a few weeks back, i can't seem to let go, everything seems so hard, but gradually as i talked to God about it, i find that God is healing my hurts bit by bit and now, i'm slowly letting go of it... that is why i choose to give him up... it's a choice i've decided to make & i'm sure God is supportive of it! i believe my friends are supportive too! i was telling ser: px is the guy whom i've spent the most time on, the guy who brought me so much joy & laughter, the guy whom i was the closest to, the guy whom i shared my probs with, the guy whom i loved the most... but, he is the one who hurt me the most... so much so that i'm afraid my feelings for him will turn to hatred, that i'll hate him for letting me down... when i was taking bus 52 from bishan back to school this afternoon, i was telling God of my decision to give px up, that Holy Spirit will remind me & God will have patience with me... i told God i'm so afraid that my feelings for px will turn to hatred... i also told God to help me forget px completely, meaning the things that happened between us, that i'll still regard him as a friend... yup...
i was telling ser that even though i may mention about how good-looking some people are (ser, i'm sure you know who i'm talking about), i knew i was deceiving myself cos i simply can't face it… i am so afraid... if you asked me whether it was difficult, the answer is yes & in fact it's really hard... it takes alot of courage & discipline... that's why in order to forget the things that happened between px & i, i told myself that i got to do something... that explains why i've decided to delete his msgs... it's one thing to make a decision, it's another issue whether i mean what i say... it's really xin ku, sometimes i even cry over this... cos i know it's hard for me to forget him but i still got to do it... God knows the hurts that i've gone through & He counts my tears & places them in a bucket cos every tear i shed is so precious! so when i go to Heaven one day, God will show me! thank you LORD! i asked God to help me along cos i know that i may not bear to do it... thank God, i managed to delete 85-90% of px's msgs from my inbox! i've been trying to avoid the places we've been to but unfortunately there are two places that i can't avoid... i've not contacted him for some time & i believe it's a good thing as i don't wish to get too close to him cos it will be even more difficult for me to forget him... i do agree, px is a nice person & a good catch, that explains why there are quite a number of girls who fall for him... except the fact that sometimes he can be rather insensitive... k la, i don't wanna comment it here... i really thank God for this history... i know that it may not become a reality but i've regarded this as a memory, kept within my heart, which can never be erased... thank you LORD!
don't wanna think about it anymore... i'm tired of it... so tired... bind the devil in Jesus name!!! get away from me!!
anyway guys, don't worry too much about me... i'll be alright... i have Jesus with me! thanks ser for always standing by me, supporting me & listening to my probs... i must be strong! cannot stay the same, must have breakthrough! i know that my breakthrough is near! like what my cg helper said, it's one thing to know my breakthrough is near, it's another thing to grab hold of it! like what Pastor preached as well, grab hold of your kyros time! i'm so excited! i know that i’ve indeed become stronger as every setback that i go through is a test that God is putting me through and He wants to mould me to be so pure... & i know that people will see me in a different light cos of Jesus! Amen!
sorry guys for making you all read grandmother story, that's because haven't been updating often... but... that's me! always type long entry & always lazy to update... oops! k la, try to reduce it next time... byeeeeeee…
His princess... out
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